Discussing people’s bodies can be fraught. In the age of Ozempic and with people being open about plastic surgery, discussion about people’s bodies is rife. At the same time, nobody seems quite sure how to talk about them, as shown by recent coverage of celebrities like Ariana Grande. We asked eating disorder experts for guidelines to follow when talking about other people’s bodies, and how to do so without doing harm.
For experts in the field of eating disorders, the current ambivalence makes sense. Dr Tom Hildebrandt, director of the Center for Eating and Weight Disorders at Mount Sinai hospital in New York, describes the current situation as a “whiplash moment.” The body positivity movement of the 2010s saw a mainstream push to accept all body sizes, shapes and types, but with the explosion of GLP-1s, progress toward body acceptance “took a hard right turn,” Hildebrandt says, as the media returned to its idealization of weight loss. Dr Ulrike Schmidt, professor of eating disorders at King’s College London, notes that the vocabulary has shifted toward “optimizing” one’s body and appearance.
The deluge of social media posts has exacerbated this confusion. Jessica Scheer, CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association (Neda), states that the internet has made commentary on the appearance of others more visible and widespread, noting that “most of the commentary is speculative, and almost all of it is harmful.” Hildebrandt emphasizes that context is everything, noting that a conversation in a physician’s office means something different than it does on a social media account for the whole world to see.
Many people are unhappy with their bodies, a reality Schmidt highlights by pointing to a 2023 report by the Butterfly Foundation, Australia’s national charity for eating disorders and body image issues. The report found that 57% of young people were dissatisfied with how they look, and 49% said this had sometimes stopped them from attending school. Schmidt warns that “even the seemingly most innocent and well-meaning comments about people’s body weight, shape or appearance have the potential for backfiring, sensitizing or hurting people.” In her clinical work, she finds that many people recall comments about their bodies—whether criticisms, warnings, or even intended compliments—as the starting point of their eating disorder journey. These congratulatory comments can make individuals feel they are only acceptable or desirable if they maintain a certain weight or physique.
When an acquaintance or colleague brings up another person’s body, Hildebrandt suggests treating it like talking about the weather—a low-level social connection that lacks meaning. He advises people to be bored by it and signal disinterest by changing the topic, which encourages others to move on quickly. This is also a useful strategy if you feel activated by such discussions.
If a child criticizes their body or someone else’s, Schmidt suggests asking, “What makes you say that?” to determine if the comment stems from bullying or mirroring adult behavior. Hildebrandt tells his own children that public discussion of bodies is often “lazy” messaging intended to get attention by assigning value to a body type. He argues the antidote is to be more interested in other things.
Generational differences also play a role. Hildebrandt notes that older relatives may use language differently; a grandparent’s remark about weight loss might be an expression of concern or a comment on success. He suggests engaging with their intended meaning rather than being overly literal to avoid unnecessary friction. Regarding social media, experts advise against commenting in public forums. Scheer notes that critical online discourse is not the antidote to silence and may fuel harmful behaviors. Neda recommends limiting screen time and thinking critically about who profits from the messages we consume. If you are worried about a friend, experts recommend being direct, inquisitive, and compassionate. Scheer suggests focusing the conversation on aspects like social isolation and brain fog rather than appearance.
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